some things are hard. but spring makes heavy hearts light and puts a smile on my face :)
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Saturday, April 14, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
non-Keane hopes & fears.
sometimes i imagine you in the future.
your face is light, and the edges are softened with kindness and understanding.
it's like a beautiful dream that shows everything i wanted for you all along.
you look back and see how much you missed and how many beautiful things wizzed by,
and see everything in a new and astounding way.
i don't just unconditionally love you anymore, now...
i truly and completely like you for everything you've become.
i pray everyday that this fragment of an image
that haunts my hopes and fears
will become
completely
real.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
troubled...open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see You.
i realized that tonight was my last chance to save my 1-post-per-month-habit. soo i'll write.
do you know that feeling where you feel self-conscious about everything you do? thats how i feel, i guess. it is one of the dumbest fears in the world, to be afraid of what other people think of you, so i am somewhat ashamed to feel this way.
first of all, what do the thoughts of man matter? when we subject ourselves to the way of caring what people think of us, and want to continually please them, we are in a way making them a god. I don't believe that we should just throw everything out and say "who cares what anyone thinks, i am who i am and i'm ok with me." it is necessary that we are conscious of how we appear to others because as Christians we represent Christ and who He is to the world. But this is very different than being overly concerned with what others think of believe to be true of you. If we are seeking our Lord's approval of how we live, and reveling in the life He sets before us to live with our eyes on Him....what have we to fear? prayer and wise counsel are what should be payed attention to, not what other people think. "The Lord is on my side, I will not fear...what can man do to me?" [Ps. 118:6]
Praying that God will show me what to do. it is easy to say all of these things, harder to do. pray for me if you think of it :) thanks.
do you know that feeling where you feel self-conscious about everything you do? thats how i feel, i guess. it is one of the dumbest fears in the world, to be afraid of what other people think of you, so i am somewhat ashamed to feel this way.
first of all, what do the thoughts of man matter? when we subject ourselves to the way of caring what people think of us, and want to continually please them, we are in a way making them a god. I don't believe that we should just throw everything out and say "who cares what anyone thinks, i am who i am and i'm ok with me." it is necessary that we are conscious of how we appear to others because as Christians we represent Christ and who He is to the world. But this is very different than being overly concerned with what others think of believe to be true of you. If we are seeking our Lord's approval of how we live, and reveling in the life He sets before us to live with our eyes on Him....what have we to fear? prayer and wise counsel are what should be payed attention to, not what other people think. "The Lord is on my side, I will not fear...what can man do to me?" [Ps. 118:6]
Praying that God will show me what to do. it is easy to say all of these things, harder to do. pray for me if you think of it :) thanks.
Monday, January 9, 2012
foggy blubber aka my thoughts.
I'm just laying on my bed listening to Fernando Ortega. Had a basketball game earlier and lost, and now it feels good to just lay here and hear uplifting music that makes me more thankful for and in Christ. I shouldn't be writing a blog post, hahaha...I should be writing essays. Oh well..............
Right now I feel like clearness is shown to me through the fog. In some ways I feel like I have far too many decisions to make, and when I think too hard about it I start to get stressed out. But I also feel that maybe God is pointing me to exactly what my heart needs. If I stop trying to see the good in situations inside my little life, I get really not okay. Really down. And just anxious. But contrasting the good and bad in my life makes me feel so, so wonderful.
I think about the people who aren't kind, who are hard for me to deal with, and make me frustrated and contrast them with the selfless friends I have who bring me so, so much joy and care so much for me when I don't deserve it. This makes me sooo happy. There are some people in my life right now that I just don't know what I would do without, and friends that i need as brothers and sisters to be there for me and that God is calling me and showing me to love.
I think about colleges and where I'm supposed to go, what I'm supposed to do...how I want to get married someday, have kids, love people, while still fitting in the studies that I believe God is setting before me. It's kind of hard. But then i realize how much my parents care and how much God is doing RIGHT NOW. It seems clearer that I just have to get the applications in, and hey, He will point the way He wants me to go. Even though I feel like it sometimes, i'm not alone. not alone at all.
I think about my family and the longer I am with them and the older I have become, the more i realize how much I need them. I don't think I would know who I was without these people. That kind of scares me in the idea of going away.
in some ways i feel a lot of stress right now, in basketball, homework, piano, issues that my friends are going through, people, grades, college and scholarships, setting up my future.
but then God starts showing me all the beautiful parts of my problems. i think God is teaching me peace. and i can't help but smile.
Right now I feel like clearness is shown to me through the fog. In some ways I feel like I have far too many decisions to make, and when I think too hard about it I start to get stressed out. But I also feel that maybe God is pointing me to exactly what my heart needs. If I stop trying to see the good in situations inside my little life, I get really not okay. Really down. And just anxious. But contrasting the good and bad in my life makes me feel so, so wonderful.
I think about the people who aren't kind, who are hard for me to deal with, and make me frustrated and contrast them with the selfless friends I have who bring me so, so much joy and care so much for me when I don't deserve it. This makes me sooo happy. There are some people in my life right now that I just don't know what I would do without, and friends that i need as brothers and sisters to be there for me and that God is calling me and showing me to love.
I think about colleges and where I'm supposed to go, what I'm supposed to do...how I want to get married someday, have kids, love people, while still fitting in the studies that I believe God is setting before me. It's kind of hard. But then i realize how much my parents care and how much God is doing RIGHT NOW. It seems clearer that I just have to get the applications in, and hey, He will point the way He wants me to go. Even though I feel like it sometimes, i'm not alone. not alone at all.
I think about my family and the longer I am with them and the older I have become, the more i realize how much I need them. I don't think I would know who I was without these people. That kind of scares me in the idea of going away.
in some ways i feel a lot of stress right now, in basketball, homework, piano, issues that my friends are going through, people, grades, college and scholarships, setting up my future.
but then God starts showing me all the beautiful parts of my problems. i think God is teaching me peace. and i can't help but smile.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
insert happy smug delighted content smile here
christmas was: beautiful.
break is: refreshing.
next year will be: wonderful.
god will always be here for me: no matter what.
how relieving:)
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Purpose
Hmmm. I am getting distracted by things that don't really matter. not good. you know, just people doing those little things that you really wish they wouldn't do, what that one girl said to you, how stupid and weak you felt in a sports practice, jokes that aren't actually that funny. Yeah, yeah, all these things and so many more....so silly. such a teenager.
TIME TO RID THE MIND OF ALL THESE DISTRACTIONS!
time to soak in all the wonderful things.
liiiiiiiiike...
my little siblings who are just so darling, hilarious, kind, insane, beautiful
sleeeeep
non junk food! ....and junk food
the bible.
playing worship music almost every sunday
learning a beethoven sonate!
good & wholesome talks with friends i respect & love.
loving on all my sophomore little sisters:)
teaching talented and blessed students
my future. because yes. i have one. and i am NOT planless.
whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
ah that is philippians 4:8. inspiration for the week. the month....forever..................
i am thankful for all the important things God has put in my life and praying that i am always living purposefully and focusing on things that DO matter.
hey here's someone who is SO important to me...i pray for her e'ry day! love my sweet raeanne and cannot WAIT for her to come home.
TIME TO RID THE MIND OF ALL THESE DISTRACTIONS!
time to soak in all the wonderful things.
liiiiiiiiike...
my little siblings who are just so darling, hilarious, kind, insane, beautiful
sleeeeep
non junk food! ....and junk food
the bible.
playing worship music almost every sunday
learning a beethoven sonate!
good & wholesome talks with friends i respect & love.
loving on all my sophomore little sisters:)
teaching talented and blessed students
my future. because yes. i have one. and i am NOT planless.
whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
ah that is philippians 4:8. inspiration for the week. the month....forever..................
i am thankful for all the important things God has put in my life and praying that i am always living purposefully and focusing on things that DO matter.
hey here's someone who is SO important to me...i pray for her e'ry day! love my sweet raeanne and cannot WAIT for her to come home.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
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