foggy blubber aka my thoughts.

I'm just laying on my bed listening to Fernando Ortega. Had a basketball game earlier and lost, and now it feels good to just lay here and hear uplifting music that makes me more thankful for and in Christ. I shouldn't be writing a blog post, hahaha...I should be writing essays. Oh well..............
  Right now I feel like clearness is shown to me through the fog. In some ways I feel like I have far too many decisions to make, and when I think too hard about it I start to get stressed out. But I also feel that maybe God is pointing me to exactly what my heart needs. If I stop trying to see the good in situations inside my little life, I get really not okay. Really down. And just anxious. But contrasting the good and bad in my life makes me feel so, so wonderful.
 I think about the people who aren't kind, who are hard for me to deal with, and make me frustrated and contrast them with the selfless friends I have who bring me so, so much joy and care so much for me when I don't deserve it. This makes me sooo happy. There are some people in my life right now that I just don't know what I would do without, and friends that i need as brothers and sisters to be there for me and that God is calling me and showing me to love.
   I think about colleges and where I'm supposed to go, what I'm supposed to do...how I want to get married someday, have kids, love people, while still fitting in the studies that I believe God is setting before me. It's kind of hard. But then i realize how much my parents care and how much God is doing RIGHT NOW. It seems clearer that I just have to get the applications in, and hey, He will point the way He wants me to go. Even though I feel like it sometimes, i'm not alone. not alone at all.
   I think about my family and the longer I am with them and the older I have become, the more i realize how much I need them. I don't think I would know who I was without these people. That kind of scares me in the idea of going away.
  in some ways i feel a lot of stress right now, in basketball, homework, piano, issues that my friends are going through, people, grades, college and scholarships, setting up my future.
but then God starts showing me all the beautiful parts of my problems. i think God is teaching me peace. and i can't help but smile.