to feel alive

Sometimes, it feels like life is just crawling along. every day feels like a week. it's like a sickness kind of. trapped inside yourself

january was not my finest month hahaha. i struggled a lot with loneliness and frustration with myself, and just this sort of hole in my heart. I felt like there was something missing and i couldn't figure out what it was.

did i need to be loved? did i need people or a person?
did i need to be more successful? to accomplish more? reach a higher mark?
maybe i need to just be happier? buck up?
did i need adventure? new things? new places?

i just needed Jesus. but WHY do i fail to see that in the worst of times???! my humanity. fallible humanity haha. but geez.....
   i feel so much better:)
"And my God will meet ALL your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." (philippians 4:19)
it's so easy to forget to live DAILY for Him. it's easy to forget that He is the crux of our existence. & when i forget that, i look for my existence in things of this world and day to day experiences. which never fails to leave me empty. it's also easy to just go through the motions...sing the words....and place Him on a back-burner.

telling myself that it's not always about what I need. God puts some pretty sweet people in my life every day. but do i think about what they need? to live for Him means to live for others as well...and once that registers in your conscience...life feels so purposeful. it moves. and you feel so, very, alive.













...totally a side note, but The Avett Brothers have an album called Emotionalism...and it is gorgeous and so moving. soul music guysss