well i think..

Beware. feelings:

something's been driving me biserk since I have been at school. Never really had to deal with boy girl issues in highschool because most everyone seemed like brothers to me. Sure there were a couple notable crushes. but basically nothing important at all and i didn't get into trouble in that area because I kept my feelings very tightly reined. I was really, really glad of that going into college.

I have never been mocked so much for never having dated someone as I am now. the fact that i've never really had my first kiss is a huge joke. and I am faced with things like "what? you've never had a boyfriend? you're so pretty", "HOW? kissing is one of the best feelings in the world!" or "oh what a shame, I'm sorry!".....
guess what guys
i'm not really that sorry...

ugh.

this is something that I chose for myself. Being in a relationship is kind of a big deal...and that's because it involves our hearts and souls. dangerous material. i put a really high value on those things and relationships can really, really hurt you or someone else when you're not strong enough with your emotions and beliefs, or have firm self-awareness.

The people that i am interested in are people I'm willing to invest my heart into for more than a couple months. dating isn't a game. and neither is my heart. people aren't prizes. guys or girls. and I am tired of people taking the concept of a relationship for granted. Sure do what you want. But God's timing is perfect and what i do is purposeful and intentionally careful. i am living my story..yes that sounds cheesy. but it's really true. so maybe it is weird that i haven't ever kissed anyone in comparison to the culture. but maybe that just makes it pretty dang clear that whoever I kiss is someone that i respect and admire enough to give part of my experience away to. if I got in a relationship, i would probably be reaaaaaaaaaaal interested in their heart. enough to risk their's and mine.

it'd be really cool if people actually respected the fact that i guard my heart and dont let it fly all over the place. blah. anyways. there's my rant.