one of the most popular messages in today's culture, particularly to women, is that we must strive to be strong and independent, immune to all opinions, criticism, help, or labels. above are some of the quotes I found scrolling through pinterest today. we are obsessed with the idea of being self-sufficient.
Speaking for myself, I would typically consider myself a pretty independent person in many aspects. I have learned not to rely on having friends at my beck and call, and am completely comfortable having my own plan, going places alone (usually, pepperspray really ups my confidence), and generally I do not like to make others aware of things that I am struggling with. I like to solve my own problems.
This is not necessarily uncommon. Especially since both the media and culture are breathing down our backs to be strong, to blaze our own trails, be our own husbands, and many times to be tough as nails. being a 'bad bitch' is commonly glorified because she is defined as such: "A woman who won't bang her head against the wall obsessing over someone else's opinion, be it a man or anyone else in her life. She understands that if someone does not approve of her, it's just one person's opinion; therefore, it's of no real importance. She doesn't try to live up to anyone else's standards, only her own."(another pin). We are breeding a generation of "hard ass women who take no shit."
Is this independence? Wow.
Switching gears a little bit (just for a bit I promise, I'll connect the dots), I've been working pretty relentlessly on my prayer life. To be terribly honest, prayer has been one of my weakest links to God for years. Until very recently, it has always felt awkward to me. Am I talking to myself? What is the point of my garrulous insomnia if I don't hear anything back? Prayer did not strengthen my faith but often times, it made me feel weaker. So, I sort of disengaged for a long time. When I was desperate and awfully down or scared, I'd give it a shot, but it was just a half-hearted plea, making sure I hadn't exhausted all my options….sometime's I'd even use blogging or journaling as a substitute. Through a variety of paths, I felt convicted about this spiritual issue that I had avoided for so long and started to investigate a little. In the past couple months I have confronted my qualms and literally practiced prayer every day. I did not start out every day actually…I think it started like maybe 2 or 3 times a week. I'm sure to some that sounds absolutely ludicrous, but I had to start somewhere! And the amazing thing is that Jesus always meets us where we're at. And that's what He did for me too. While the first few weeks were madly uncomfortable and made me feel more insecure than ever, I soon realized that developing a firmer prayer life was about much more than being able to communicate with God. It was building a relationship between myself and God.
I didn't want to release all my problems, thoughts, and desires. I just wanted a little help, every now and then. Something to get me by. But I am realizing now that I am getting much more than something to get me by. haaaaallelujah. Talking with God every morning and every night is one of the best things I have ever indulged in. Whether I am exuberant, weary, overwhelmed, grateful, hurt, guilty, or completely content, it is comforting to know that He knows it all and for some reason, He takes the time out of His day and listens to my pathetic wanderings. Investing in a habit of prayer has significantly increased my trust in His plan, and given me a much clearer perspective of His love and often times of myself.
All we want to be is independent, but the reality is that what we need is the exact opposite. Learning to be dependent on the God of the universe is one of the most comforting things we can do for ourselves. Elvina Hall put it beautifully in the song Jesus Paid it All: "I heard the Saviour say, 'Thy strength indeed is small. Child of weakness, watch and pray, find in Me thine all in all." Admitting that our strength IS so small and that we ARE children of weakness opens new doors for growth, and baring it all at the feet of Jesus will never hurt you. It will only bless your life in more ways than you could possibly imagine. I'm still finding that out and it's like WOW
So going back to what I started with….I don't really want to be that romanticized independent woman that culture encourages. There is nothing wrong with being a strong woman with goals. But I will not be a bitch who takes no shit. Honestly, I'm going to take a lot of sh**. (Not sure why I starred it this last time) I mean I figure, Jesus does it all day, every day….Thank God, or I'd be ruined. I will not be a hard ass. I intend to be a soft person with a heart malleable and willing to be the hands and feet of Jesus, regardless of how uncomfortable it is or how much it hurts to be open and dependent in every circumstance.
I aspire to be an entirely dependent woman, relying fervently on my saviour, knowing full well that I need Him desperately. I need thee o I need thee, every hour I need thee. O blessed be thou my Saviour, I come to thee
